4 Ways We Experience God's Goodness in Singleness

​I’m currently reading an encouraging and thought-provoking book called The Meaning of Singleness by Danielle Treweek.

In an early chapter, as she speaks of the perception (that’s often a misperception) that single people experience less happiness than those who are in romantic relationships, Treweek says, “While many single individuals do feel levels of dissatisfaction with their relationship status, there is strong evidence to suggest that this specific sense of dissatisfaction does not automatically equate with general life dissatisfaction.”

​However, there was a time when it wasn’t true for me.

My dissatisfaction with my relationship status did cause me dissatisfaction and discontentment in my life.

Even though my life already held so much good. Even though God’s goodness and faithfulness was all over my life.

Friend, what about you? Is Danielle Treweek’s statement true in your experience of singleness? Or do you relate more to the dissatisfaction and discontentment I felt?

The reason I was dissatisfied and discontent despite the good things in my life was because I believed if only I was married, the good would be even better, and the hard would perhaps be easier. This blinded me to the goodness of God in my singleness.

Do we believe marriage would make God’s goodness better? And in believing this, could we be unrecognizing of the goodness and faithfulness of God already in our lives? Could we be hindered from delighting, rejoicing, and finding satisfaction in the Lord and in the full life He has for us right now in relationship with Him?

God is Good

​Scripture tells us over and over and over that our God is good:

​“Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good! His faithful love endures forever.” Psalm 107:1

​“The Lord is good to everyone. He showers compassion on all his creation.” Psalm 145:9

​“O Lord, you are so good, so ready to forgive, so full of unfailing love for all who ask for your help.” Psalm 86:5

​Because God is good, everything He does is good (Ps. 119:68). His actions towards us, His work in us, His heart for us are all good (Matt. 7:11; Rom. 12:1; Jms. 1:7), and are all for our good (Gen. 50:20; Rom. 8:28).

I know singleness can be hard, and I know there are many who are single who don’t want to be.

But this doesn’t make God less good in our singleness, and this doesn’t mean we experience less of His goodness when we’re single.

Rather, I believe there are unique ways we get to experience God’s goodness and faithfulness as single people—not in spite of our singleness, but in our singleness: the situation of being single being the very conduit of God’s goodness and faithfulness to us, rather than being a situation that is less-than or lacking.

God's Goodness in Singleness

​So what are some of these ways we experience God’s goodness in singleness? The few I’m going to share are not only ones I’ve experienced personally, but others have also testified to experiencing, and they are described in Scripture as ways in which God is good and faithful to us:

The Care of His Provision
In the summer of 2023, I moved from my parents’ house and into an apartment. This was my first time living by myself, and I started experiencing more stress and worry about finances, health, and life-decisions than I ever had before.

We all have concerns, responsibilities, and needs. In singleness, we often carry the burden of these needs alone. And it’s easy to think the burdens would be lighter if we had a spouse shouldering them with us.

And maybe they would be lighter.

But is that the point? Is the point to have our burdens lightened, our responsibilities eased, our needs lessened? Or is the point to learn deeper dependance on God, experiencing a lightening of our burdens not because they’ve shrunk, but because we’re resting in God’s care and provision for us?

In the time since moving into my apartment, I’ve had to trust God as my Provider, rather than thinking If only I were married, this would be easier. And God has been my Provider: He has met my needs, He has cared for me, He has given me peace.

In singleness, we get to learn deep dependance on God as our Provider, experiencing the care of His provision as He meets our needs through means other than a spouse shouldering the burdens with us.

The Beauty of His Plan
From a young age, I had a plan for my life: I would get married young, have at least five kids who I’d homeschool, build a big house, and own chickens.

Needless to say, my life hasn’t gone according to my plan. Instead, I’m single and living by myself in a small apartment at 32 years-old.

I’ve experienced sadness and disappointment over this. I’ve felt directionless in the waiting for my dreams to come true. I’ve believed my purpose will only begin once I’m married.

It can be hard to live in the gap between what our life is and what we had hoped and dreamed it would be.

Yet it is in this gap that we get to witness and experience and participate in the beauty of God’s plan unfolding in our lives, rather than things going according to our plans; how even in the waiting and wondering and seemingly-wandering, God is weaving His goodness, grace, and glory in us and through us, in ways we never could have imagined or dreamed up or planned for on our own.

The Sufficiency of His Promises
We aren’t guaranteed all our dreams will come true. We aren’t assured a life without pain or hardship. We aren’t promised marriage, as much as we may desire it.

But there are promises God does give us in His Word:

• to never leave or forsake us (Heb. 13:5)
• to comfort and care for us (2 Cor. 1:3-4)
• to guide us in His will for us (Ps. 23:3)
• to provide for our needs (Phil. 4:19)
• to never stop loving us (Ps. 130:7)
• to strengthen and sustain us (2 Thes. 3:3)
• to help us resist temptation (1 Cor. 10:13)
• to give us joy and delight in Him (Ps. 16:11)
• to hear our cries (Ps. 10:17)
• and I could name even more!

Because of these promises and God’s faithfulness to keep them, even in the discouragement, the longings, the sadness, the confusion, the loneliness, the unfulfilled dreams, we can still experience full life.

Because all these promises are fulfilled in Christ (2 Cor. 1:20).

And as we walk through all the ups and downs of singleness, we get to experience the sufficiency of these promises and their fulfillment in Jesus—how through them, He meets us where we’re at, pursues us in His love, draws us closer to Himself, and shows Himself to be enough in all our longings, loneliness, and sorrow.

The Community of His People
God’s design for people is that we celebrate and rejoice, face hardships and challenges, ask questions and seek answers, mourn and grieve, go about our day to day, learn and grow and become in relationship—relationship with God that draws ever closer, grows ever deeper, and becomes ever more intimate; and relationships with others in which we both share and experience the presence of God.

This is why in most of the New Testament epistles, the word “you” is often in the plural form, addressing the church as a community, not as individuals.

Relationships of commitment, support, and intimacy aren’t only to be found in marriage. They should also be found within the community of God’s people, for all people.

However, I know this isn’t always the case. Maybe for you it’s seldom—or never—been the case. And for that, my heart breaks, while also holding to the hope that God has such a community for you, as He continues to more form His people into such a community.

As single people (especially long-time and life-time singles), we have a beautiful opportunity to experience the connection, support, and intimacy found in non-romantic relationships—from friendship to family to chosen family to church family—and to show others that these relationships are just as valid and valuable of relationships as romance and marriage.

In sharing these ways that we experience God’s goodness in singleness, I’m not all trying to diminish the stuff that’s hard about being single, the heavy emotions you may feel about your singleness, or the desire you may hold for marriage.

Rather, I hope to encourage you in the midst of what’s hard and heavy; that we may recognize the goodness of God already in our lives, rejoice in Him as the One who makes life good, beautiful, and meaningful, and enjoy His abundant goodness to us in our singleness.