Is it Okay for Christians to Use Dating Apps?

What are your thoughts on dating apps? Is it okay for Christians to use dating apps?

Recently, I’ve had a few different single gals ask me variations of these questions. And I remember asking questions like these myself at one point.

Living in a small town and going to a small church, I wasn’t getting many opportunities to meet new people, let alone single Christian men who I could potentially date.

But meeting a godly man, going on dates, and getting married was something I desired.

​And here’s this thing called online dating, through which one can meet people in their area (or even across the country), who maybe they would have never crossed paths with otherwise.

But, is it okay for me as a Christian to use a dating app?

I think at the heart of this question, many of us are really wondering if pursuing dating in such an obvious way is actually a lack of trust in God’s timing and plan.

If you’ve been single in Christian spaces for any amount of time, there’s some “dating advice” that you’ve probably been given:

Once you’re content being single, then God will bring your spouse.
You’ll meet “the one” when you least expect it.
Date Jesus.

And a dating app seems to be the opposite of this advice. I mean, it’s right in the name: we’re looking for and expecting (or at least hoping for) dates… with people who are not Jesus.

For single Christian women, there can be a lot of pressures and expectations around “biblical womanhood” and what this should look like in singleness.

We’re told not to desire marriage too much or else it will become an idol, yet at the same time marriage and motherhood are often portrayed as the ultimate purpose of women.
We’re told to be content in singleness, yet at the same time are looked at askance if we’re not in a relationship.
We’re told to “date Jesus”, yet at the same time we hear, “I just can’t figure out why you’re still single!”
We’re told to trust God’s timing and plan, yet at the same time, if we’re single into our 30s we're made to feel behind in life because we’re still single and our biological clock is ticking.

It can feel like there’s these rules of dos and don’ts around Christian singleness and dating, and if we don’t do them all perfectly - finding that perfect blend of contentment and desire and trust - then we’ll mess everything up… including God’s goodness for us.

So we worry if doing something like using a dating app will cause an imbalance in that blend.

It’s really a form of legalism: a depending on our perfection in following a set of rules to earn something from God: His approval, His goodness, His provision, His grace, even His love.

This causes confusion, fear, and shame about singleness, dating, and our desire for marriage; and for that confusion, fear, and shame to be the place from which we approach singleness, dating, and our desire for marriage.

Rather than following legalistic dos and don’ts, the Bible speaks about following the Spirit’s leading:

“But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you.” John 14:26

“Now we can serve God, not in the old way of obeying the letter of the law, but in the new way of living in the Spirit.” Romans 7:6

“So I say, let the Holy Spirit guide your lives… Since we are living by the Spirit, let us follow the Spirit’s leading in every part of our lives.” Galatians 5:16, 25

As followers of Jesus, we are given the Holy Spirit, who guides us in godliness and grows us in Christ-likeness.

We can trust that as we’re navigating singleness and dating, as we’re holding our dreams and desires, as we’re processing our different thoughts and feelings, as we’re learning contentment and growing in faith, the Holy Spirit will confirm to us that we are loved by our Father; He will convict us of the ways to walk as God’s dearly loved children; and He will cultivate in us Christ-like character that reflects God’s love.

We don’t have to have it all figured out. We don’t even have to get it all “right.” Because navigating singleness in a godly way isn’t about being perfect so we can make sure everything works out for good.

Navigating singleness (and any other area of life) in a godly way is about drawing closer to our Father and becoming more like Jesus, through the power of the Holy Spirit in us. Because our Triune God is the one who works out everything for our good and His glory.

In this, there is grace, and there is room… to not have all the answers, to wrestle with doubts, to still be working on that blend of contentment in singleness and desire for marriage, to mess up and make mistakes, to learn, to grow.

Maybe that felt like a long answer to the question; here’s the shorter one: I don’t believe pursuing dating and our dream for marriage necessarily means we’re discontent in singleness. I don’t believe it necessarily means we aren’t trusting God’s timing and plan. I don’t believe it necessarily means we’ve made marriage an idol.

So I believe it is okay for Christians to use dating apps.

And that dating apps can be a great way to meet people, and then go one dates to get to know them.

When it comes to whether or not we’re trusting God’s timing and plan, whether or not we’re finding our contentment in Christ, whether or not we’re idolizing marriage, whether or not using a dating app is something we want to try, the Holy Spirit will convict us.

And as we synchronize our steps with His (even if there are trips and stumbles), we’ll learn and grow and experience God’s goodness to us, in us, and through us.