What's the Fun in Being Single? How to Navigate the Day-in and Day-out of Singleness with Joy and Peace

​I live by myself in a small apartment, so a large part of my time is spent alone. Cooking and eating meals, washing dishes, grocery shopping, working on my budget, watching a show, going for a walk, making a craft—most days, I’m doing all of this solo.

And that’s true for many single people.

Navigating the day-in and day-out of life as a single person can burdensome. And let’s be honest, it can also be boring. Doing all the mundane, grown-up things by ourselves--what’s the fun in that?

​When carrying the burdens by ourselves is wearing us out, when all the responsibilities we must handle on our own leave us stressed and worried, when the decisions to be made are overwhelming, when daily life doesn’t feel all that fun, when doing all the to-dos alone is, well, lonely, it’s easy to think marriage would solve it all.

It’s easy to think marriage would make all those to-dos and burdens and responsibilities and decisions easier. Less hard. More fun. Less lonely. More meaningful. Less stressful. More joyful.

But I’ve had enough conversations with married friends and relatives and people at my church to know that’s not true. They’d tell us that marriage is hard, too. That it can be boring, too. That they still experience loneliness. That there are still burdens, worries, and stress. That marriage doesn’t take these away. That in fact, in some ways they can be magnified, because there’s a whole other person (or more if there are children) involved.

Hear me: in pointing out that marriage is also hard, I’m not attempting to diminish it’s goodness, dismiss your desire for marriage, or downplay the hard stuff of singleness.

Even though I wholeheartedly believe singleness is good and blessed, even though I’ll proclaim from the rooftops till the day I die that singleness is a uniquely beautiful reflection of the gospel, even though I’ll keep fighting the lies that say singleness is less-than and that we as single people are less-than, I know--I know—that singleness can be hard, sad, frustrating, confusing, stressful, wearisome, lonely, and more.

But when we look to marriage as the remedy for this hard stuff, we’re making it an idol. Because we’re looking to it for our peace, our joy, our comfort, our security, our fulfillment, when we should be looking to Jesus.

He is our Peace amidst the stress, our Strength under the burdens, our Friend in the loneliness, our Comfort in the sadness, our Joy in the mundane, our Truth in the confusion, our Delight in the longings. Our Enough… and More. (INSERT REF)

But I know--I know—it’s easier said than done; it’s easy to know in our heads that Jesus is enough, but a different matter to believe it deep down in our hearts, and live it out in our real, messy, day-to-day, single lives.

So when living the day-in and day-out of singleness is feeling extra single and all we can think is “If only I were married this would be better”--how do look to Jesus and experience this peace, strength, friendship, comfort, joy, truth, and delight in Him?

Remember God's Character

In the midst of daily life and all the ups and downs it can bring, I find myself recalling the words of Psalm 23 again and again:

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. Psalm 23:1, KJV

​Remembering this Psalm helps me remember who Jesus is: my Good Shepherd—my perfect, loving, mighty, caring, wise, only-does-what-is-for-my-best Shepherd.

And in remembering who He is, I remember that in Him, I lack nothing; I have all that I need (Ps. 23:1 in the NIV and NLT, respectively).

Perhaps there’s a different Bible verse that resonates with you and helps you remember who God is. Or maybe there’s a song that lifts your heart and lifts your eyes to refocus on Jesus. Or perhaps whispering a prayer, or gazing upon God’s creation, or simply taking a moment to be still and notice His nearness are practices that help (or could help) you remember and meditate on His character.

These ideas certainly aren’t a comprehensive list, but one of them may have stuck out to you, or they may have inspired some ideas of your own—a practice you could incorporate into the day-in and day-out of life, of remembering and meditating on who Jesus’ is, to remember that He is our peace, our strength, our joy, our hope, our wisdom, our refuge, and so much more.

Reach Out to Others

​At times, Jesus ministers to us in solitude. By all appearances, we’re alone, yet we sense His Presence right there with us, embracing us, moving in us, in a way that’s hard to describe but that we know is real and true.

At other times, Jesus ministers to us through other people. He desires for us to both receive and reflect His love and goodness in relationship with others. This is why in most of the New Testament epistles, the word “you” is often in the plural form, addressing the church not as individuals, but as a family of brothers and sisters in Christ.

In the weariness, loneliness, mundane-ness, who could you reach out to for encouragement, support, and company?

Here are some more ideas:

• Video call a friend while doing chores
• Invite someone to come with you while you run errands
• Ask someone to go with you to an appointment
• Call a friend and ask them to simply listen while you share all that’s going on and how you’re feeling about it 
• Ask people to pray for and with you 

I know it’s not the same as having a spouse, I know people will frequently say no to our reaching out, I know it can feel awkward, and even wrong, to ask for what we need, because we don’t want to come across needy or be a burden. I know.

But that’s one of the beautiful things about singleness: these opportunities it gives us to reach out to others, cultivate non-romantic relationships of trust and support, and experience in reality such words as these:

• “Carry each other’s burdens” (Gal. 6:2)
• “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn” (Rom. 12:15)
• “Serve one another humbly in love” (Gal. 5:13)
• “Encourage one another daily” (Heb. 3:13)
• “In Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others” (Rom. 12:5)
• “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends” (Jn. 15:13)

Recognize the Good

​Singleness is hard, and in the hard stuff, God invites us to pour out our hearts to Him and ask Him for what we need (Phil. 4:6). He also invites to rejoice in Him, to delight in Him, to find satisfaction in Him (1 Thess. 5:16; Ps. 37:4; Is. 55:1-3).

There are hard things in singleness that having a spouse would probably make easier. But marriage doesn’t make God’s goodness better; His love richer; His care more complete; His provision more adequate; His grace more sufficient; His presence more near. Marriage doesn’t make God more.

In the hardships, and in our desire for the goodness of marriage, let’s not miss the goodness of singleness—the ways God is already taking care of us and providing for us, already pouring out His love and goodness and grace, in abundance, in ways a spouse never could, in ways we wouldn’t experience the same if we weren’t single.

Singleness can be hard, sad, frustrating, confusing, stressful, wearisome, lonely, and more. Singleness can also be joyful and hopeful, bursting with the beauty of friendship, full of opportunities and adventure and growth, a testimony to the sufficiency of Christ, and more.

Because whether single or married, life is full of ups and downs; there are hardships and fun times and mundane days and beautiful moments and burdens and happiness and grief and disappointments and wonder.

And whether single or married, Jesus—our Friend, Comfort, Joy, Strength, Truth, Hope, Peace, Delight, Love, and More—is with us in it all.