5 Truths to Remember When You're Single on Valentine's Day (and feeling down about it)

​I work at an elementary school as a lunch lady, and the one and only time someone has ever asked me to be their Valentine was when I was wearing an apron and hair net.

Attractive, I know.

It was actually one of the boys who went to the school. I’m old enough to be his mom. As he came through the line, he declared to me, “You’re my Valentine!”

It was sweet and made me smile. I wished him a happy Valentine’s day and wondered how many other teachers and staff he had made the same declaration to.
 
Like I said, that’s the one and only time I was asked to be someone’s Valentine. (And I wasn’t even really asked!)

I’ve always been single, so I’ve always been single on Valentine’s day, and I’ve had all sorts of thoughts and feelings because of it.

How does Valentine’s day have you feeling?

Will you be my Valentine? can seem like a cheesy, fluffy, sappy sentiment. But I think the heart of the question is something all our hearts long to hear: You are loved. You are worthy of affection and care. You are chosen and wanted.

So being single on Valentine’s day can sometimes feel like the opposite of hearing this. It can have us feeling insecure, insignificant, unworthy, and alone.

If you’re single this Valentine’s day and are perhaps feeling all these feels, here are 5 truths to remember:

1. ​Your worth is not defined by your relationship status

​So often, I look to my relationship status as some sort of measure of my worth, believing since I’m single, I must not be good enough in some way.

But whether or not we have date for Valentine’s day (or any other day) does not determine whether or not we have worth.

One of my favorite passages of Scripture that reminds me where my worth is found is Ephesians 4:3-11. In verse 4, we read:

Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes.

Notice it says, before He made the world. Before we did anything, God did everything. He gave us worth by creating us to have relationship with Him, and by sending His Son Jesus to die for our sins so we could enter into that relationship.

2. Marriage will not heal your insecurities or solve all your problems

When we’re feeling disappointed or discouraged or doubting our worth on Valentine’s day, it’s easy to think if only thoughts.

If only I were in a relationship, all these insecurities would go away.
If only I had “my person”, I wouldn’t feel lonely.
If only I were married, then things wouldn’t be so hard.

In this thinking, we’re believing marriage will heal all our brokenness and solve all our problems.

This just isn’t true, and that’s a lot of pressure to put on one person.

Ephesians 1 goes on to say:

​So we praise God for the glorious grace he has poured out on us who belong to his dear Son. He is so rich in kindness and grace that he purchased our freedom with the blood of his Son and forgave our sins. He has showered his kindness on us, along with all wisdom and understanding. (vv. 6-8)

Jesus shed His blood so we could be set free from sin and healed of shame and insecurities. In relationship with Him, we are made whole.

​3. You can choose joy in this moment

​There was a time when I struggled with a lot of discontentment in my singleness. This was because I was basing my joy on whether or not my dreams were fulfilled.

This Valentine’s day may not be all you hoped and dreamed it would be, and maybe you’re wondering if there will ever be a Valentine’s day on which all your dreams come true.

But even amidst unfulfilled dreams, you can still be fulfilled and content. You can still choose joy.

The passage from Ephesians 1 begins with rejoicing:

​All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ. (v. 3)

Because of our relationship with Jesus, we have every spiritual blessing. In all of the longings, imperfections, and waiting for dreams to come true, Jesus is enough.

4. Romance is not the ultimate form of love

​Our society and culture often show romance as the ultimate form of love, and romantic love tends to be the focus of Valentine’s day.

But there is a greater love:

​There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. (John 15:13)

​All those blessings spoken of in Ephesians 1 are available to us because of Jesus laying down His life for us: leaving His place in heaven with His Father, serving and healing and teaching people who might reject Him, dying in our place to redeem us from sin, giving us His Holy Spirit to help us follow Him, and even now interceding on our behalf in heaven.

This is Jesus’ love for us, and we are called to share this love by reflecting Jesus in our relationships with others.

5. You are never alone (even when you feel lonely)

Because we were created for relationship, when our relationship status is a blank space, loneliness can be a familiar feeling, causing us to wonder if we belong, if we matter, if we’re seen and heard.

Ephesians 1:5 tells us that God is not only with us, but He wants to be with us, and He made a way for us to be with Him:

​God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure.

We will feel loneliness at times, but that loneliness can be a space in which we lean into Jesus, remembering He is always present.

Really, all of these truths are things we should remember every day, not just on Valentine’s day. 

There is One who says to us, I love you. I have chosen you and given you worth. I have made a way for your healing and wholeness. I want to you to be with Me always.

Will you be Mine?