Self-Talk in Singleness: Why Your Thoughts about Singleness Matter and how to Root them in Truth

Self-Talk in Singleness: Why Your Thoughts About Singleness Matter and How to Root them in Truth

7/1/2022

In my early twenties, I struggled with deep discontentment in my singleness. I knew that Jesus promised a life of fullness and abundance (see John 10:10), but I believed my life wouldn’t be fully abundant until I was married. I would often think thoughts like, If only I were married, then life would be good, then I would be happy, then I would feel complete.

Rather than seeing singleness as a gift - a gift just as joyful, beautiful, and purposeful as marriage - I saw it as something less - less joyful, beautiful, and purposeful.

The discontentment in my heart about my singleness was directly linked to lies I was believing about singleness and about myself as a single woman.

Singleness is a gift, this is something I have come to wholeheartedly believe. But that belief didn’t come without first replacing the lies with truth.

There is a thief who will stop at nothing to rob us of the gift of singleness; to steal the joy, kill the beauty, and destroy the purpose of this season. (See John 10:10)

And a primary way this enemy works is through lies:

[The devil] was a murderer from the beginning. He has always hated the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, it is consistent with his character; for he is a liar and the father of lies. John 8:44

Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light. 2 Corinthians 11:14

The lies we believe about singleness and ourselves as single women are often hidden in plain sight, masquerading in our own self-talk.

Let's Talk about Self-Talk

The dictionary defines self-talk as “talk or thoughts directed at oneself.” Self-talk combines conscious thoughts with unconscious beliefs as a way for the brain to interpret and process experiences.*

I think for many of us, our self-talk in singleness is usually negative.

Do any of these thoughts sound familiar?

I’m single because I’m not lovable.
I’ll be happy once I’m married.
If I had a significant other, I would feel beautiful.
I’ll stop having insecurities, anxiety, and depression once I’m married.
I’m behind all my friends who are dating and married.
I’m missing out on the best life.
If I had a spouse, I would finally feel complete.
I need to lose weight before I’ll be attractive to guys.
My life will really begin once I’m married.

Wrapped up in this self-talk is the lie that our significance - who we are and why we were created - is dependent on our relationship status rather than in being created for relationship with Jesus.

The enemy wants to deceive us into thinking singleness is less than marriage - less joyful, beautiful, and purposeful - because he doesn’t want us to experience, enjoy, and engage in that joy, beauty, and purpose. He wants to distract us and hold us back from the abundant life Jesus has for us right now in relationship with Him.

What we think about our singleness and about ourselves as single women matters, because what we think think will take root in our hearts, shape our beliefs, and mold our attitudes and actions.

Being Transformed

There are several passages of Scripture that speak to the importance and power of our thoughts:

Romans 12:2 says, “Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think.”

Living as who God created and calls us to be, and knowing, trusting, and experiencing His good, pleasing, and perfect will in our lives, begins with renewing our minds and changing our thought patterns to be in line with His truth rather than the ways of the world. (See Romans 12:1-3)

In 2 Corinthians 10, Paul speaks of demolishing strongholds of beliefs based on lies and removing prideful attitudes by taking “captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” (v. 5)

And in Philippians 4, the same passage where Paul says he has “learned the secret of being content in any and every situation” (v. 12), we are called to think on things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, and praiseworthy. (v. 8)

There’s a whole world full of women basing their worth and fulfillment and purpose on their relationship status, on their successes and failures, on their appearance and popularity.

We don’t have to follow this pattern. We can be transformed from insecure to confident, discouraged to hopeful, discontented to joyful.

It starts with our own hearts and minds being renewed by the Holy Spirit. It starts by changing the way we think to being rooted in truth.

Taking Inventory

In Philippians 4:8, where we are given a list of qualities that should define our thought patterns, the word “think” comes from the Greek word logizomai, which means “to take an inventory.”**

We can use this list to take an inventory of our self-talk, to become aware of our thought patterns and be mindful of what our minds are dwelling on:

Is this thought truthful - based on truth and not lies?
Is this thought noble - honorable and worthy of respect?
Is this thought right - promoting right conduct and behavior?
Is this thought pure - free from lust and selfish desires?
Is this thought lovely - friendly toward myself and others?
Is this thought admirable - of good reputation?
Is this thought excellent - good and virtuous?
Is this thought praiseworthy - worthy of my attention and focus?

As we take inventory of our self-talk in singleness, we may find patterns that are based on lies of the enemy rather than rooted in the truth of God’s Word.

So how can we replace those lies with truth?

Know the truth
Spend time in God’s Word getting to know Him, who He says you are, and who He calls you to be.

Speak the truth
If your self-talk isn’t something you would say to encourage a single friend, don’t say it to yourself. Instead, speak or write out new narratives about your singleness that reflect what Jesus says about who you are and inspire you to live as He calls you to live.

Hear the truth
Spend time with other Christ-followers who value you as a single woman and will encourage you in your identity in Christ and support you in living it out.

As our self-talk in singleness is renewed to reflect the truth of God’s goodness to us in our singleness and who we are in Christ as single women, we will be transformed: becoming more like Christ and living our single lives with hope, joy, and purpose in Him.

*https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/self-talk
**from The New Strong's Expanded Exhaustive Concordance of the Bible by James Strong

Want to continue replacing lies about singleness with the truth of who you are in Christ?

Over 6 days, we'll redefine what it means to be single through exploring our identity in Christ.

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Donnelley Williams

3/15/2026 09:38:11 am

I am very happy to share these great testimonies on how i won $62.000.000USD. The best thing that has ever happened in my life is how I won the lottery mega jackpot. I am a man who believes that one day I will win the lottery. Finally, my dreams came true when I emailed DR Herry and told him I needed the lottery numbers. I have spent so much money on a ticket just to make sure I win. But I never knew that winning was so easy until the day I met the spell caster online which so many people have talked about that he is very great at casting lottery spells, so I decided to give it a try. I contacted this great Doctor and he did a spell and he gave me the winning lottery numbers. Believe me when the draws were out I was among winners. I won $62.000.000USD. DR HERRY truly you are the best, I am so very happy to meet this great man called DR Herry, I will forever be grateful to you DR Herry. contact him via his Email [email protected],whatsapp https://wa.me/message/3C6ZDDGHSXBAE1

LENKA BROWN link

3/16/2026 05:03:06 pm

I’m from Houston Texas. A single mother who was abandoned by her husband because of this numerous flings who was taking his attention. Since my husband left me, I have been struggling on how to pay my bills and cater for myself and son, it wasn’t easy for me and my son for a year and six months. I came in contact with Dr. Hope page and I saw all the numerous testimonies of people he has helped win Lotto Max with his spiritual spell casting. I decided to contact him and told him all I was going through, he replied “my daughter you are in the right place, I will help you accomplish all that you seek. “ he then told me all I need to do, I actually did them reluctantly because I wasn’t too sure with the whole thing. After the whole process, he gave me the winning number, I followed his instructions and played the Lotto Max game with the winning number he gave me. Few days. I got a text that I won the Lotto Max tag price for the game I played. I can’t believe that I won the sum of $ 850 Million Dollars. All this wouldn’t have been possible without the help of Dr. Hope the spell caster. Thank you Dr. Hope. Please contact Dr. Hope for any spiritual spell casting. His Text: +234 811 804 5454 / Email: [email protected]

David Owen

3/17/2026 08:08:46 am

CONTACT Mr Jude Gabriel call (+2349010175450 or WhatsApp him through this number +2349010175450 or Email: [email protected] Hello everyone my name is David Owen am from USA I am here to give a testimony on how I joined the illuminati brotherhood, I was trying to join this organization for so many years now,I was scammed by fake agent in south Africa and Nigeria,I was down,I could not feed my self and my family anymore and I tried to make money by all miss but all invail, I was afraid to contact any illuminati agent because they have eat my money,One day I across a post of someone giving a testimony, thanking a man called Jude Gabriel of being helping him to join the illuminati brotherhood, then I look at the man email and the phone number that was written there, it was a nigeria number I was afraid to contact him because a nigerian agent eat my $2000 and go away with the money then I was very tired, confused and I decided to contact the person that was given the testimony and i called him and I communicated with him on phone calls before he started telling me his own story about when he wanted to join, he told me everything to do, then I made up my mind and called the agent called Jude Gabriel and he told me everything to do, and I was initiated, surprisely I was given my benefit of being a new member of the great illuminati brotherhood I was so happy,For those of you trying to join this organization this is your opportunity for you to join CONTACT MR Jude Gabriel call (+2349010175450 or WhatsApp him +2349010175450 or email: [email protected]

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3/17/2026 02:45:24 pm

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Dexter Berger

3/27/2026 11:47:49 pm

Praise be to the incredible Lord Meduza, I've never seen or heard of his lottery spell failing, not even once, and that includes my own experience. Every day, I feel renewed blessings after connecting with the Great Lord Meduza, who gifted me my winning six-digit lottery numbers that won me $740,000,000 million dollars by using his magical skills to foresee the outcome. I'm a dad of four, and it's been a few years since I lost my wife to cancer; I miss her terribly. To wrap things up, I really want to thank Great Meduza for being so good at what he does. His guidance and lessons were applied swiftly and precisely, leading us to the best possible result, which we definitely achieved. You can reach him by email: [email protected] or check out his website via ( lordmeduzatemple.com ) for more information. Stay blessed and know you're in good hands with Lord Meduza.

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3/28/2026 05:49:28 pm

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Benjamin Leo

4/3/2026 03:36:59 pm

I want to use this opportunity to tell the whole world on how I become rich and famous. I’m 93 years old. I was passing through difficulty in business and there was no hope of me coming out of my debt. I borrow money in my bank to do my business and I run at lost on the business I got frustrated and decided to be playing lottery to see if I can win and make my business grow and I have played for years now nothing good is coming my way on till I meet someone online talking about Dr UYI on the internet. He was taking about how this Dr UYI help him to win mega million lottery game. I said to myself if this is true and decide to contact him and told him to help me as well I later read more about this man and see how he has been helping people all over the world. I have faith in him and choose to work with him. After working with him he told me what I need to do for the number to be given to me which I did after he finish working he said I will have a dream and the number will be review to me in the dream. That night has I was sleeping I dream a number immediately he call me and gave me the same number I dream of and ask me to go and play the number. Today I’m here testifying of the good work he did for me I played the number and I won the sum of 340, 000,000 million dollars in a mega million lottery. You can contact Dr UYI for help if you want to win big in lottery game he has the gift of giving right number contact him today and thank me email him today Via email: [email protected] OR WhatsApp on +17174154115

4/5/2026 01:34:37 pm

dr kalfmanwoods

4/9/2026 01:24:33 pm

I am happy to present to all our newly joined members of illuminati who have finished presenting all the requirements for joining illuminati, mostly from the following Countries, Uganda, Egypt, South Sudan , UAE, Namibia, Kenya, West Africa and South Africa.
The illuminati Legacy of Uganda is warmly inviting you for the new Members meeting which takes place after every 3 months, this time it will take place from UNITED ARAB EMIRATES, Dubai Mall . It will be for only three days all invited members are expected to be in Dubai With In 4 Days before the start of the meeting for easy allocation to your room numbers. To join illuminati for details email to: [email protected]
WhatsApp: +17177399092