We Need Each Other: Exploring the New Testament's Description of the Church as Family

​Earlier this month, I went to a funeral for a friend’s father-in-law.
Also earlier this month, my youngest sister invited me over to help her begin wedding planning!
A couple weeks ago, I went to church and needed a hug, so I went to my dad and got that hug, and was able to cry off some of the stress I was feeling.
That same day at church I helped a couple of boys memorize John 3:16. Then the following Sunday I helped some teens memorize 1 Corinthians 5:6-7.

My summer ended with a yearly tradition of going kayaking with friends.
I got to go wedding dress shopping with my sister (and she found her dress!).
Last weekend, my mom hosted an annual Hobbit Day party that I had so much fun attending!
​This weekend, some friends will be coming over to do crafts together.

This is a glimpse into some of the relationships in my life. Relationships I’ve gotten to show up for over the past month, in which I’ve been able to encourage, support, and care for others, and in which those others have shown up for, encouraged, supported, and cared for me.

I share about these relationships to say: we need each other.

We all need relationships that are supportive, committed, and intimate. Those of us who are single don’t get this support, commitment, and intimacy from a spouse who has covenanted themselves to us.

So we look for it in our other relationships. We need it in our other relationships.

And here’s the thing: so do those who are married.

We need each other.

​Throughout the New Testament, we read such words as these:

• “Carry each other’s burdens” (Gal. 6:2).
• “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn” (Rom. 12:15).
• “Serve one another humbly in love” (Gal. 5:13).
• “Encourage one another daily” (Heb. 3:13).
• "Be kind and compassionate to one another" (Eph. 4:32).
• "Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone" (Col. 3:13).
• "Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other" (Rom. 12:10).

These words are not written primarily to married people to give instruction for how to live in romantic relationships. These words are not written primarily to parents and children to give instruction for how to live within nuclear families. (Though there are passages of Scripture that do specifically address these relationships, and these verses can also apply to such relationships.)

Rather, these words are written first and foremost to the church, giving us instruction for how we are to live in our relationships with our brothers and sisters in Christ, the family of God.

The New Testament often speaks of the church with familial language, in regard to both our relationship with God and our relationships with one another.

In our relationship with God:

• The New Testament often speaks of God the Father not only as Jesus’ Father, but as Heavenly Father to all who are in Christ (Matt. 6:9, 31-32; Gal. 1:3-4; Eph. 2:2-5; Jms. 1:17-18; 1 Jn. 3:1; this is a very small sampling of places in the New Testament where God is spoken of as our Father!).
• It follows then, that those who are in Christ are often called children of God (Jn. 1:12-13; Rom. 8:14-16; Gal. 3:26; Eph. 5:1; 1 Jn. 3:1; again, this is a very small sampling!).
• It also follows that those who are in Christ are also called heirs of God, co-heirs with Christ, and siblings of Christ (Rom. 8:17; Gal. 3:29, 4:7; Eph. 3:6; Heb. 2:10-13).
• Ephesians 2 speaks of the church as being the family and household of God (vv. 19-22; see also Gal. 6:10).
• And martial language is used in speaking of the relationship between Christ and the church, with Christ as our bridegroom and we as His bride, looking forward to the wedding feast of the Lamb when we shall see Him face to face (Jn. 3:28-30; 2 Cor. 11:2; Eph. 5:22-32; Rev. 19:7-8).

​In our relationships with one another:

• In their letters to the church, the apostles repeatedly address the church as “brothers and sisters” (Col. 4:7-9, 15; 1 Thess. 5:25-27; Heb. 13:1; Jms 1:2; 1 Jn. 3:14-16; another very small sampling!). This makes sense, for if we are children of God in Christ, then we would also be brothers and sisters in Christ!
• The church is charged to care for widows and orphans—those who are vulnerable, marginalized, and defined by their lack of family to care for them (Acts 6:1-6; 1 Tim. 5:3; Jms. 1:27).
• The church is called to view and treat all its members—including slaves, those lower in socioeconomic status, those of other ethnicities, and those who would once have been considered an enemy—as brothers and sisters in Christ (Rom. 12:16; Eph. 2:11-22; Phlm. 16).
• We see “spiritual parents” in the church, such as Paul calling Timothy his “true son in the faith” (1 Tim. 1:2) and calling the mother of Rufus “a mother to me” (Rom. 16:13).
• Even the charge in 1 Timothy 3 for church leaders to care for their families speaks to the church being a family. For if someone does not properly provide, care for, and servant-lead their smaller household family, how can they be entrusted with the responsibilities of leader in the larger family of God, of which the household family is a microcosm (vv. 3-12)?

This familial language is such that the New Testament is not saying the church is to be like a family, but is to be a family. It’s such that it’s not saying the church is made up of individual nuclear families, but that the church is a family.

A family in which all its members have family.

In this family, our care, encouragement, and support for one another should exceed and expand beyond romantic-love for a partner, parent-love for children, and blood loyalty to biological family, such that our love for and unity with each other (in which we learn and grow to love all people) can only be explained by our being in Christ (Jn. 13:34-35, 17:20-23; 1 Jn. 2:9-11, 3:11-18).

I’ve been learning about relationships my whole life. But it’s been in the recent years of entering my 30s still single and pondering the possibility that I may remain single for the rest of my life, that I’ve really come to realize the value, beauty, and necessity of relating with my church family as just that: those who are family in Christ.


Even as I’ve been learning and growing in my relationships with my church family, I certainly don’t have it all figured out. I’m still learning and growing in what it means for the church to be a family, what that looks like in our gathering together and in our day-to-day lives, and the part I’m to have in cultivating this family as a member of it.


But here are some things I’m pondering and praying about, that I invite you to ponder and pray about with me, so together we can be the family of God:


For those who are single:
I know in the church, we can feel overlooked and like we don’t quite fit anywhere. We can feel like the only way to be seen and valued is to be “useful” by serving all the families, since we don’t have one of our own.
But we are part of the church, not just in our “usefulness”, but simply because we are in Christ, even when the church doesn’t do a great job of embracing us as family.
And our presence and participation in the church is a reminder that the church is to be a family defined not by marriage or parentage, but by the blood of Jesus and the bonding of the Spirit. We are called and equipped (again, beyond our “usefulness") to do our part in building up and being part of this family.

• Are we being present within our churches and seeking to see and treat its members as our brothers and sisters in Christ (even when they let us down)?
• Are there people we could have conversations with about what we as single people need to be supported, encouraged, and cared for within the family of God?
• Who in our lives could we be family with? Who in our lives is being family for us?
• Are we so focused on our dream of marriage fulfilling our intimacy needs that we’re not really allowing the family of God to support, care for, encourage, and embrace us?
• What small steps could we take to cultivate family within our church? (Small steps, because it’s not going to happen overnight!)

For those who are married:
I can’t speak from experience to the hardships you face, but I know they’re there. I’m sure you have at times felt overlooked and let down by the church, too. I know you care, and are also trying to figure this out.
Your marriage and love for your spouse (and children if you have them) is a beautiful picture of the life-giving, self-sacrificing love of God. This is something we singles need—not just the picture, but to be part of in family with our married brothers and sisters in Christ.

• Are you being present within your church and seeking to see and treat its members as your brothers and sisters in Christ (even when they let you down)?
• What would it look like to expand your family beyond your nuclear family, to include your brothers and sisters in Christ?
• Are there singles in your church you could reach out to and invite in to be family together?
• What non-romantic relationships is God inviting you to lean into and cultivate?
• What small steps could you take to cultivate family within your church? (Small steps, because it’s not going to happen overnight!)

Again, I don’t have this all figured out.

Relationship is the very thing for which we were created, so it makes sense that it is a deep, dynamic, and even at times difficult thing to navigate. As we saw, much of the New Testament is letters to the church about living in relationship with one another, as a family that reflects our Father’s love and grace!

I think we’ll spend our whole lives learning and growing in how to have good, true, and beautiful relationships. But I believe God will provide the relationships we need, and I believe God will provide those relationships through each other.

In Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others.
Romans 12:5