When They’re Getting the Dream You’re Still Waiting For: How the Holy Spirit Helps Us Rejoice with Others when It’s Hard

​This weekend, my youngest sister is getting married! 

How do I feel about it, as the still-single, 30-something big sister?

I’m happy—so happy!—for her and her fiancé. I’m looking forward to the wedding with joy and excitement. I know God has goodness in store for them in their marriage, and I know God will work goodness for many through their marriage. And that fills me with awe, gratitude, and hope.

Had this happy event happened earlier in my singleness, I’d probably be feeling some different feelings. Even though I’m sure I would have still been happy for my sister, there more than likely would have also been other emotions threatening to quench the happiness, awe, gratitude, and hope.

I know well how hard it can be to see others getting the thing we’ve dreamed of and longed for, yet are still without. And I know well the many emotions that, no matter how long or little we’ve been single, can stir inside us right alongside being happy for them.

I also know well the temptation that can come in the midst of those hard and heavy emotions to give into thoughts and attitudes that are not Christ-like—such as envy, bitterness, and resentment.

We live life with other people—other people whose lives are, well, living. Other people who will reach milestones, experience blessings, share happy news, invite us to celebrations. And as followers of Jesus, we are called to “rejoice with those who rejoice” (Rom. 12:15).

So when the people in our lives are rejoicing, how do we rejoice with them while we’re also experiencing all these other emotions, and are perhaps being tempted away from the awe, gratitude, and hope of God’s goodness in another’s life?

Another Helper

During a Passover meal with His disciples, just hours before His arrest, trial, and execution, Jesus talked at length with His disciples about what was to come, and He spoke of the hardships they would face. Not just in the coming hours of chaos and fear; not just in the coming days of sorrow and confusion after His death; but even after seeing Him risen and witnessing His ascension into heaven, as they continued to live as His followers and testify to His death and resurrection (See Jn. 14-16).

As He spoke of the hardships, sorrow, and suffering the disciples would experience, Jesus also encouraged them, speaking of the hope of His resurrection and repeating in different ways this promise: “I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you” (Jn. 14:18).

In all they would face throughout their lives, Jesus would not leave His disciples alone, adrift, and vulnerable; He would not leave them without help, hope, or belonging.

And He doesn’t leave us to fend for ourselves in all we’re feeling and facing, either.

The specific way in which Jesus promised He would come to those first disciples, and to us as His disciples now, was through the Holy Spirit: “I will ask the Father, and he will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever—the Spirit of truth… [H]e lives with you and will be in you” (Jn. 14:16-17).

In these verses from John 14, the word Jesus uses when referring to the Spirit as “advocate” is the Greek word parakletos. Depending on which Bible translation you read, the English word used could be Counselor, Advocated, or Helper.* “Comforter”, “strength giver”, “friend”, “revealer”, and “mediator” are more words (among others) this single word parakletos could be translated to.**

In other places in the New Testament, the Holy Spirit is also called the Spirit of God’s Son (Gal. 4:6), the Spirit of wisdom and revelation (Eph. 1:17), the Spirit who raised Jesus from the grave (Rom. 8:11).

All these different names and descriptions of the Holy Spirit speak of the work He does in our hearts and lives—of the comfort, counsel, and help He gives.

The Spirit of God's Son

"[T]he Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, 'Abba, Father.' The Spirit Himself testifies with out spirit that we are God's children." Romans 8:16-17

.Because we have been given the Spirit of God’s Son, we have also been adopted as God’s children!​

This means we can approach God “with confidence” as our Heavenly Father, “that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need” (Heb. 4:16). We can pour out our hearts to Him, honestly telling Him how we’re feeling and offering our emotions to Him, knowing He has compassion for us. And we can ask Him for comfort, wisdom, strength, renewal, provision, joy—whatever it is we need!—knowing He desires to provide and care for us.

Because we have been given the Spirit of God’s Son and are His children, we also have brothers and sisters in Christ—a family we can lean on for help and encouragement. As we navigate decisions and responsibilities, face temptation or even give in to temptation, and experience both joys and sorrows in our lives, we need trusted, wise, and godly people who we can talk, pray, and worship with, who we can learn from, who we can be held accountable by, and by whom we can be known, loved, and cared for.

The Spirit of Wisdom and Revelation

"[T]he Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and remind you of everything I have told you... When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all the truth." John 14:26, 16:13

I don’t know about you, but when I’m experiencing hard and heavy emotions, that’s when I’m most vulnerable to the lies of the enemy that confuse and discourage. In those times, we need to remember what is true.​

And the Holy Spirit brings truth to our minds. He reminds us of what Jesus has taught us and promised us, of the example and instructions He has given us, of who we are in Him and the life we are called to live with Him.

This means we must spend time with the Holy Spirit in prayer and in reading God’s Word, to hide this truth in our hearts and learn to recognize His voice.

Because in those times when emotions are overwhelming, when temptation is insistent, the Holy Spirit will speak truth to us, giving wisdom for navigating those emotions and revealing the way out that God has provided when we are tempted (2 Cor. 10:13). Are we listening?

The Spirit who Raised Jesus from the Grave

"[T]he power of the life-giving Spirit has freed you from the power of sin that leads to death... The Spirit of God, who raised Jesus from the dead lives in you." Romans 8:2, 11

Let’s be real: when we’re in the thick of it, when the other person is smiling and sharing that the dream we’re still dreaming has come true for them, it can feel impossible to not envy, to not give into hopelessness, to not resent the smile on their face. It can feel impossible to rejoice with them, to be grateful for them, to still worship God as good, kind, and loving.​

And in the sinful nature, it is impossible (Rom. 7:18-24, 8:5-8).

But we have been given the Holy Spirit, and by “the same mighty power that raised Christ from the dead” (Eph. 1:20), He frees us from sin and creates newness in us: a new nature of Christ-likeness—a new way of thinking that’s rooted in truth, goodness, and beauty (Phil. 4:8), a new way of seeing that sees to others’ well-being (Phil. 2:3-4), a new way of living that loves with the love God has poured into our hearts (Eph. 5:1-2; Rom. 5:5), a new way of being that bears the fruit of joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, humility, gentleness, and compassion (Gal. 5:22-23; Col. 3:12).

When we’re overwhelmed by emotions and tempted to attitudes that don’t reflect Jesus, we’re not alone or without help. We have been given the very Spirit of Christ, who comforts and encourages us as God’s children, who teaches us and helps us live as Jesus shows us, and who strengthens and grows us in faith, obedience, and love.

*Christian Standard Bible (copyright 2017 by Holman Bible Publishers), New Living Translation (copyright 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation), New King James Version (copyright 1982 by Thomas Nelson), respectively.
**Frank More, The Holy Spirit (The Foundry Publishing, 2023), 120