On a summer night, as the setting sun painted the sky pink, and I sat on the queen bed my sister and I shared, my five-year-old heart recognized the love Jesus has for me and my need for Him to be my Savior.
So with a bowed head, closed eyes, and a simple prayer, I repented of my sins, asking Jesus to forgive and save me.
That was over 20 years ago, and a lot has happened since.
There have been times of happiness, longing, sorrow, overwhelm, loss, learning, confusion, discontentment, loneliness, trusting, seeking, finding, provision…
Through it all, God has been good. I have been given hope and joy in Jesus.
Sometimes, they come about just as we wanted and planned, unfolding as we always dreamed. But more often, we hold the dreams in our hearts with hope for an unknown time when they will come true.
When the someday is far away, and seems to be moving farther with each passing day, when the dreams that seemed to be falling into place suddenly fall through, we can find ourselves discouraged, disappointed, despairing, and discontent.
I think we all have times when we struggle to know what our purpose in life is. When we ask, What am I supposed to do with my life? When we are confused about the next step to take and the direction we should go.
In my last post, I wrote about when we don’t know God’s purpose for our life, and went back to the creation story in Genesis 1, drawing from God creating the first woman to show His purpose in creating each one of us.
But, like I said at the end of that post, this purpose looks different in each one of our lives, and it can be hard and confusing at times to know how to live it out.
In the midst of the questions and unknowns and confusion, it’s easy to become discouraged and feel purposeless.
What do you want to be when you grow up? Remember getting asked that question as a kid?
I know I gave different answers over the years of my childhood. I went through a phase of obsession with ballet, but never took any lessons. I probably wanted to be a princess at one point or another. When I got into my teen years, my aspirations became a bit more realistic, though I never stuck with one; the answer changed frequently.
That is, until the summer before my senior year of high school, when the real answer to this question came hitting me right between the eyes: I don’t know.