Jessica Faith Hagen
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More Than Enough: How to Cultivate Contentment in Singleness

1/3/2022

5 Comments

 
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“I feel like I just want more,” I said as I sat on a therapist’s couch.

I was almost 25, and had just confessed to my counselor that most of the time, I didn’t feel happy. She then asked, “Well, how do you feel?”

“I feel like I just want more.”

“What do you mean by more?” She asked.

I meant something deeper than moments of happiness. I meant joy. I meant fulfillment and contentment.
Instead, I was discontent.

A big source of my discontentment was that I was single. My dream to be married wasn’t coming true.

​I believed marriage was the more.

There are phrases we hear about singleness: Just be content. Singleness is a gift. Enjoy the freedom and independence of this season.

Maybe we roll our eyes because they seem so cliche, a quick fix to a deep ache, contentment seeming as far away as that dreamed of wedding day.

But maybe as our eyes roll and our heart aches, we wonder: Could there be more? Could singleness really be a gift? Could this time hold love even in the loneliness, fulfillment amidst unfulfilled dreams, purpose apart from waiting for “my person”?

Yes, it can.

But how?

The Source of Contentment

​As I searched the Bible for what it says about contentment, some words in Philippians 4 were among the first I found, and ones I go back to often.

At the time of writing this letter to the church in Philippi, the writer Paul was under house arrest for preaching the Gospel, with the possibility of being executed for his faith. Under these circumstances, Paul says, “I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.” (v. 12)

Recently, I saw a connection between these words about contentment and another bold claim Paul makes in the very next verse: “I can do all things through him who strengthens me.” (v. 13)

This is Paul’s secret. He could be content not because he had all he wanted, not because he had no fears or pain or struggles (see 2 Corinthians 11:23-27 and 12:6-10 ), not because he knew what would happen next.

But because Jesus was the source from which he drew joy and peace and hope to strengthen and sustain him.

Some translations of verse 13 say, “I can do all this through him who gives me strength.” (NIV, emphasis mine.)

Our contentment is a direct correlation of our source; of where we abide when fears attack, disappointments assail, struggles overwhelm; of where we look for fulfillment and satisfaction when our soul longs and our heart aches and our spirit thirsts.

I believed marriage was the answer to my longings. I was abiding in If only I had a boyfriend thoughts when things were hard or I was unhappy. I was looking to my dreams coming true for satisfaction and fulfillment.

It really comes down to this: do we believe Jesus is enough?

Or do I believe Jesus plus something - a boyfriend, a better figure, a bigger paycheck - is enough?

I know, Jesus is enough seems awfully cliche as well. And that makes me sad, because when it’s said as a quick fix, we can miss the deep truth.

Jesus truly is enough.

The Enoughness of Christ

That’s what Paul meant when he said, “I have learned to be content” and “I can do all things through him who strengthens me.”

Both the words content and strengthens used in Philippians 4 come from similar Greek words.

Content, from the Greek word autarkes, means “sufficient, adequate, needing no assistance.” And strengthens, from the Greek word arkeo, means “to have sufficient strength, to be enough for a thing.”

In both plenty and want, we are made able and adequate and enough through Jesus, because He is able and adequate and enough for us and in us and through us.

So, how do we choose His enoughness? How do we rest in Christ’s sufficiency, abide in His ability, and look to Him for what we need? How do we believe Jesus is enough, not just as a great sounding cliche, but as transformational truth?

Cultivating Contentment

Philippians 4:4-16 talks about a few areas of our lives that are connected to what we believe. Because they are connected, they can shape what we believe.

These areas are our attitude, thoughts, habits, and community.

Attitude
Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again - rejoice! Philippians 4:4​
There is definitely hard and heartbreaking stuff in singleness, but we get to choose what our attitude will be in the midst of it. Will we let complaining, bitterness, and envy take root, or will we cultivate an attitude of rejoicing, gentleness, and gratitude?

Habits
​Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. Philippians 4:6
This verse speaks of having a habit of prayer and thanksgiving, so that when things are hard, our natural response is to turn to God instead of spiraling in worry. Think about the different habits you have: do they point you to Jesus and help you rely on Him? Or do you have habits that breed more discontentment in your singleness?

Thoughts
​Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things. Philippians 4:8
What we choose to dwell on in our minds will take root in our hearts and bear fruit in our actions and attitudes. What thoughts do you dwell on? What do you tell yourself in your self-talk? Is how you think about singleness based on the truth in God’s Word of His character, His promises to you, His plans for you?

Community
​Yet it was good of you to share in my troubles… for even when I was in Thessalonica, you sent me aid more than once when I was in need. Philippians 4:14, 16
Immediately after Paul says he has learned the secret to being content, he expresses gratitude for the ways this faith community has supported and encouraged to him.
Believing Jesus is enough doesn’t mean we don’t need others. Contentment isn’t cultivated in a vacuum. Who is in your corner as you navigate singleness? Are they pointing you the enough-ness of Jesus? Are they sharing in your joys and sorrows? Are they supporting you in cultivating godly habits? Are they encouraging you in truth?

Abiding in Jesus as the source of our contentment is not a destination, but a day-by-day, moment-by-moment, step-by-step choice. And in each day-by-day, moment-by-moment, step-by-step, He will show Himself to be enough.

More than enough.


Want some simple ideas for cultivating contentment in singleness?
In this free guide, I share 4 practices that greatly helped me in my own journey of becoming content in singleness. I pray it encourages you!

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5 Comments
Deb Gruelle link
1/14/2022 10:01:00 pm

Wonderful insights! Thanks for sharing!

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James Wesley
5/30/2025 08:13:57 am

If you don't want to be single, and would rather want to be dating or married, well, you can't help that. No need to feel guilty about it. You can be content IN singleness, sure, but that doesn't mean you always have to be content WITH it.

If you're single, you hear people pontificate to you about "contentment" all the time. In Philippians 4:12, when Paul reminds us to be content in whatever state we’re in, he’s referring to our ultimate contentment in God. There's no requirement to force ourselves to be happy about every situation. Having and expressing the desire doesn't make you weak. Admitting and expressing frustration and loneliness doesn't make you weak.

A lot of times, singles will feel lonely in their situation. That's fine. We can't help that. But we can also feel guilty for being lonely because as Christians we have things to be thankful for and we're often presented with the message that all the good Christians must be "content." We're also sometimes told that we have to be "content" before God will bless us with romantic love. This is a popular idea in modern church culture, but we're not required to be completely satisfied with life, whether we're married or single. We live in a bad world, where bad things happen and life doesn't always go our way. We don't have to repress our emotions or pretend that these situations make us happy. Nor do we have to pretend that these desires are unimportant to us. It's OK to feel and express sadness and loneliness. We're not going to disappoint God for feeling emotions that we can't control anyway.

Ideas like this imply that your "season" of singleness will end once we learn to properly exercise contentment. Apparently all the married couples somehow mastered this, and reached some pinnacle of contentment that God approved of and rewarded accordingly. As if we can use a formula and reverse psychology to convince God to give us the thing we want. Sometimes married couples will tell you that their story went like this, that God "blessed" them with a spouse once they stopped "idolizing" marriage, or once they "stopped looking." Or once they "learned to be content." Cool story. As if that's some sort of universal rule. The Bible doesn't mention this weird idea anywhere.

If you want love/marriage/sex badly, well, you can't make yourself "stop" wanting those things. What a silly idea. You're not being "worldly" or sinful just by expressing desires for things like these. If Christians were able to repress or ignore these desires, why would any Christian ever marry?

Is God going to meet all our emotional needs? Well, no. Sure, some might say that God can fulfill our needs more than an earthly spouse can. At the same time, an earthly spouse can fulfill needs in ways that God, well, simply can't.

One of the most basic ways that you connect with someone is by having a conversation. Right now, can we have a literal conversation with God? No. Another basic way we connect with people is physical touch. Things as simple as holding your hand, or being hugged. Can God do those things? No. And the most intimate way to experience physical touch, of course, is sex. Sexual desires are a normal part of being human, and, since this is the most intimate way anyone will ever physically love you, it can be very painful to go without. We don't have to deny that or feel bad about feeling sad about this. God can't meet that need for us. I'd rather not think about this further, haha.

We experience God's love very indirectly in the modern world. We can't see Him, or hear Him, or witness all the miracles we see in the Bible. We tend to experience God's love and work through other people.

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Jessica Faith link
5/30/2025 04:09:56 pm

Again, thanks for sharing your thoughts and perspective!

I certainly never want to shame anyone for the discontentment they may be feeling or beat anyone over the head with being more content; that wasn’t my intention with this post.

With this post, I want to help fellow single people gain a more Biblical understanding of contentment. I want to help fellow single people know that our ultimate joy and contentment are found in Jesus, whether we’re single or married, and that even as we we may not want to be single and experience hard stuff in singleness, we can still have joy and peace in Him, and we can still have a full life in Him

When it comes to meeting our needs, at times God ministers to us in solitude. By all appearances, we are alone, yet we sense His Presence right there with us, embracing us, moving in us, filling us with joy, peace, and hope, in a way that’s hard to describe and defies all logic, but that we know is real and true.

At other times, He ministers to us through other people. It is their presence with us that reminds us of God’s nearness; their embracing us that reminds us of our Father’s love; their encouraging us that reminds us of the joy, peace, and hope Jesus gives.

So in this way, yes, God actually does meet all our needs.

We actually can have a conversation with God: through prayer. We may not hear His voice audibly, but that doesn’t mean He isn’t speaking. I have found engaging in prayer to God to be one of the most intimate things I’ve ever experienced, and to be one the most helpful things in walking through anxiety, depression, discontentment, low self-worth, and more. Through prayer, God has grown my faith, my joy, my peace, my hope, and given me such a deep sense of His presence with me and His love for me.

Sexual desires are a normal part of being human. And yes, it is difficult when those desires aren’t met.

BUT, the deeper longings under that desire, for love, intimacy, connection, etc, these are all fulfilled in Christ, in living in relationship with Him personally and in community in His church. Even as we experience these relationships imperfectly and incompletely this side of eternity, we as Christ-followers have the hope that we will experience complete wholeness and fulfillment in the New Heaven and New Earth, at the wedding feast of the Lamb! Praise be to Him!

I agree, we often do experience God’s love and work through other people (in many forms of relationships—romance/marriage/sex is not the ultimate/only way to experience love and intimacy!). But I also wouldn’t say we experience His love indirectly—we can experience Him in very real, intimate, personal ways, sometimes in solitude, and sometimes in community with others.

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Carrie Alfred
6/21/2025 07:30:25 pm

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Sheila Donnell
7/12/2025 07:54:14 am

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