​In the many conversations I’ve had about singleness, with both those who are in a relationship and fellow single people, singleness is typically talked about in the context of these four things: 

1. What’s hard about being single
2. Wishing we weren’t single
3. Advice on how to get un-single
4. The misadventures of dating

When we talk about singleness, it tends to be put in a negative light, as something that is less-than and lacking.

There’s one theme that’s at the heart of nearly everything I write: contentment.

And because I’m single, I write a lot about contentment in singleness.

What sort of feelings stir in your heart at that phrase: contentment in singleness?

Is there a stirring of longing?
Are you annoyed at the cliche?
Do you feel hopeful, or hopeless?
Is there anger, or anticipation?
Do you think, “Tell me more!” or do you think, “Easy for you to say.”?

​All my life I’ve dreamed of being a wife and mom. I’ve prayed that God would guide me into this dream. I’ve waited for His timing. I’ve hoped each new year would the year for this dream to come true.

But here I am: in my 30’s and still single. Still dreaming, still praying, still waiting, still hoping.

And I’ll be honest, most days it’s not easy to be in this place of still.

​It was Christmas time, and I was at a family gathering, sitting with my chin in my hand and a smile on my face, taking in the conversation and laughter around me.

That’s when they came up to me and made a show of looking at my ring-less left-hand. They theatrically made a face of exaggerated shock, said something about me not having a boyfriend, and then nudged my shoulder as they jokingly asked, “What’s wrong with you?”

As they turned away, my smile faded and I blinked rapidly to keep back the tears.

​There’s this phrase that’s been said to me at various times and in various ways during my singleness. I’m pretty sure it’s meant to be a compliment, but nothing stirs up the insecurities quite like it.

Can you guess what it is?

I just can’t figure out why you’re still single.

I know it’s well-meaning, but most single people would say it doesn’t feel like the compliment it’s purported to be.