The months leading up to my 25th birthday were hard.

With an unexpected loss in the family, heightened anxiety, feeling purposeless and deeply discontent in my singleness, I was going through a bit of a “quarter-life crisis” and actually kind of dreading turning 25.

So imagine my surprise when I walked into the room expecting a small dinner with my family, and several of my friends appeared from their hiding places, with gifts and balloons.

My family had planned a little surprise to brighten my birthday and encourage my heart.

Encourage means “to inspire with courage, spirit, or hope”.

​They asked me to do something for them, to help out in someway, to take part in this project.

​I really wanted to say, “No, that doesn’t work for me.”

Because I have other responsibilities I need to focus on right now, and I know this would distract me from them. I have other passions I’m pursuing, and I know this would take time away from them. I have other things I’m committed to doing, and I know this would cram my schedule too full, causing unnecessary stress and anxiety.

But despite the fact that my head, my heart, and my planner all said, “No, this doesn’t work,” I still found myself feeling pressured to say, “Yes.”

Not from the person who asked, but from my people-pleasing tendency.

​Does this story sound familiar?

One day, a woman was scrolling social media and she saw a picture of another woman - a pretty woman, a woman with a lot of friends, a woman on a dream vacation, a woman with a cute boyfriend, a woman announcing she was engaged, a woman whose photo had 239 likes…

As the first woman looked at the picture, she began to compare herself to the woman in the picture.

And as each comparison whispered shame and self-doubt, that ancient green monster stirred in her heart: envy. 

How will the story end? Will the monster consume her, or will she vanquish it?

In my early twenties, I struggled with some deep discontentment that was stealing my joy, causing anxiety, and making me wonder if my life mattered.

The area of my life I was feeling most discontent in was my singleness; I didn’t want to be single anymore, and I was discouraged that my dreams for marriage had yet to come true.

In my mind, being in a relationship would make me feel happy and fulfilled.

If only I had a boyfriend, then I would feel beautiful.
If only I were married, then I would feel happy.
If only I had a husband, then I would feel complete.

Do you ever think If only... thoughts?

​I love learning about our identity in Christ. I love writing about our identity in Christ. I love encouraging women in their identity in Christ.

But I often find in our conversations about our identity in Christ that we like to talk about who we are in Christ - chosen, loved, beautiful daughters of God - but forget the aspect of growing in Christ-likeness.

Yes, we are chosen and dearly loved (Colossians 3:12, one of my favorite verses, tells us this!), but we are also holy and called to live in holiness (Colossians 3:12 also tells us this).

Holiness might seem like an unattainable, guilt-inducing, legalistic standard. But in relationship with Jesus, holiness doesn’t mean perfect performance, never messing up, and checking all good-Christian-boxes.